Depression has crept back into my life. I don't know why I never see it coming. It is always there, to a degree. But the crippling episodes sneak up and lay me flat before I understand what is really happening.
It is not situational depression. I wish it were a matter of changing something at work, or at home, making a few adjustments and then I'm fine. No, that is not what this is, and it baffles everyone around me.
So, why "World Burning" for a title?
Because it is.
Climate change is upon us and there is no stopping it now. Let Mr. Trump delay action on the Paris agreement. The time for bold action was at least twenty years ago. But we chose to ignore the warnings.
When I realized this to be true, about a year ago, I began to make preparations for disaster. Plan for the worst and hope for the best, right?
It didn't take long for me to realize that I lacked the amount of money, energy and sheer will needed and that in the final analysis, it was going to be for naught anyway.
So, I took the advice of a wise man who told me, "Be here now."
My dilemma is that "here and now" has not been a nice place to be, inside me.
The ability to face the end of civilization is not a natural thing for any of us. Hope is supposed to spring eternal-that's how I heard it.
But maybe hope needs to simply be modified. Perhaps that is what I have been failing to see.
Instead of hoping some miracle will save us, I need to just hope to carry on with dignity. I can hope to be here for my children, as long as possible. I can hope to remain a decent human being, to continue to be kind to those I meet, and to face each day with some measure of courage and grace.
"I see fire, inside the mountains; I see fire, burning the trees."
Yes, the world is burning. But whether or not I am consumed by it has to ultimately be up to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fngvQS_PmQ
It is not situational depression. I wish it were a matter of changing something at work, or at home, making a few adjustments and then I'm fine. No, that is not what this is, and it baffles everyone around me.
So, why "World Burning" for a title?
Because it is.
Climate change is upon us and there is no stopping it now. Let Mr. Trump delay action on the Paris agreement. The time for bold action was at least twenty years ago. But we chose to ignore the warnings.
When I realized this to be true, about a year ago, I began to make preparations for disaster. Plan for the worst and hope for the best, right?
It didn't take long for me to realize that I lacked the amount of money, energy and sheer will needed and that in the final analysis, it was going to be for naught anyway.
So, I took the advice of a wise man who told me, "Be here now."
My dilemma is that "here and now" has not been a nice place to be, inside me.
The ability to face the end of civilization is not a natural thing for any of us. Hope is supposed to spring eternal-that's how I heard it.
But maybe hope needs to simply be modified. Perhaps that is what I have been failing to see.
Instead of hoping some miracle will save us, I need to just hope to carry on with dignity. I can hope to be here for my children, as long as possible. I can hope to remain a decent human being, to continue to be kind to those I meet, and to face each day with some measure of courage and grace.
"I see fire, inside the mountains; I see fire, burning the trees."
Yes, the world is burning. But whether or not I am consumed by it has to ultimately be up to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fngvQS_PmQ
Rage, blocked or unexpressed, turns inward as depression. My rage is against humanity, through the ages and present. My best balm is doing things for others, either as paid service, or probono. Try it.
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