The countdown begins.
I feel as though someone is dying. Maybe it's me.
I remember a day nearly six years ago....looking over at my mother, asleep in her chair, knowing that in a very short time-very short-she was not going to be there. She had come home to die and sure enough, that is exactly what she was doing.
I remember this feeling of near terror at the thought of her leaving. I cried like a baby.
But there were things that had to be done, just as there are today. I did not have the energy to do them back then and I do not now. But I will get through this. I know I can. How do I know that? Some things you just sense, I guess. Some things you learn over time and with age and experience. One thing I have learned is how to survive.
So he will leave today, taking the car. I have some money I have tucked away in little piles, for cab fare to get to work, get to the store and laundromat. A little bit for Christmas.
Yesterday, I bought some plastic to cover drafty windows and today I will tug and pull with all my might to set a ladder up to the house. I will put the plastic up and I will feel better-not just warmer, but I will feel that I did a good, strong thing.
When Mom died, I took care of much of the funeral planning. I even wrote and gave the eulogy. I sent out all the thank you's for her memorial gifts, as well as notes to her doctors and to people from our church who helped. They were all actions that were good and strong.
His leaving feels much like a death. His things will not be here. His voice, his presence...he will not be here.
But I will be-and I will do the things that will prove to me that I am strong, the things that will show me once again that I can survive.
I Can't Make You Love Me.....
I feel as though someone is dying. Maybe it's me.
I remember a day nearly six years ago....looking over at my mother, asleep in her chair, knowing that in a very short time-very short-she was not going to be there. She had come home to die and sure enough, that is exactly what she was doing.
I remember this feeling of near terror at the thought of her leaving. I cried like a baby.
But there were things that had to be done, just as there are today. I did not have the energy to do them back then and I do not now. But I will get through this. I know I can. How do I know that? Some things you just sense, I guess. Some things you learn over time and with age and experience. One thing I have learned is how to survive.
So he will leave today, taking the car. I have some money I have tucked away in little piles, for cab fare to get to work, get to the store and laundromat. A little bit for Christmas.
Yesterday, I bought some plastic to cover drafty windows and today I will tug and pull with all my might to set a ladder up to the house. I will put the plastic up and I will feel better-not just warmer, but I will feel that I did a good, strong thing.
When Mom died, I took care of much of the funeral planning. I even wrote and gave the eulogy. I sent out all the thank you's for her memorial gifts, as well as notes to her doctors and to people from our church who helped. They were all actions that were good and strong.
His leaving feels much like a death. His things will not be here. His voice, his presence...he will not be here.
But I will be-and I will do the things that will prove to me that I am strong, the things that will show me once again that I can survive.
I Can't Make You Love Me.....
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