Relationships....what a tricky area that is!
Yesterday, I had to read my "life story" for my treatment group and then get some feedback from everyone.
It reads like a horror story-or a daytime soap opera. Drugs, alcohol, insanity, broken relationships-years of it!
The best piece of feedback I got was this: Quit living in the past and get out of your "comfort zone".
You see, my comfort zone is chaos. It is what I know-I know what it looks like and feels like and it does not scare me. It tires me, discourages me, but never scares me. Peace scares me.
What the hell do people do with peace? Sit around and knit??
I realize that any time I have gotten close to peace, I found a way to sabotage it. It is completely foreign and uncomfortable to me.
Maybe that is why the thought of going some place like Gaza does not scare me. I have had people question my sanity in wanting to go there. But why would a war torn area be scary? I've been battling on the inside for many, many years.
It is not that I wouldn't be nervous-but certainly not terrified to go there. I would do it in a heartbeat.
My husband also seems to be someone who takes comfort in chaos. He creates it just as much as I do. Put the two of us together and it is constant war, with only brief ceasefires.
The very sad thing is that our six year old seems to find this normal. Dear God....will he take this in to his relationships some day? Quite possibly, he will.
The time to change this for him is now. I am ready. I am just not sure his father is.
Recovery is not an easy road, by any means, and some relationships do not survive it. I know this. I am afraid of that, in a way. Maybe I am afraid there would finally be peace.
Maybe I need to take up knitting....
Yesterday, I had to read my "life story" for my treatment group and then get some feedback from everyone.
It reads like a horror story-or a daytime soap opera. Drugs, alcohol, insanity, broken relationships-years of it!
The best piece of feedback I got was this: Quit living in the past and get out of your "comfort zone".
You see, my comfort zone is chaos. It is what I know-I know what it looks like and feels like and it does not scare me. It tires me, discourages me, but never scares me. Peace scares me.
What the hell do people do with peace? Sit around and knit??
I realize that any time I have gotten close to peace, I found a way to sabotage it. It is completely foreign and uncomfortable to me.
Maybe that is why the thought of going some place like Gaza does not scare me. I have had people question my sanity in wanting to go there. But why would a war torn area be scary? I've been battling on the inside for many, many years.
It is not that I wouldn't be nervous-but certainly not terrified to go there. I would do it in a heartbeat.
My husband also seems to be someone who takes comfort in chaos. He creates it just as much as I do. Put the two of us together and it is constant war, with only brief ceasefires.
The very sad thing is that our six year old seems to find this normal. Dear God....will he take this in to his relationships some day? Quite possibly, he will.
The time to change this for him is now. I am ready. I am just not sure his father is.
Recovery is not an easy road, by any means, and some relationships do not survive it. I know this. I am afraid of that, in a way. Maybe I am afraid there would finally be peace.
Maybe I need to take up knitting....
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